photo credit: Imelda Whitfield

Social skills are a very important part of a young person’s development. One of the most effective skills in an individual’s armory is charm. When used subtly and purposefully in business, society and politics, charm can be an extremely effective tool that helps in creating alliances and developing rapport. Unfortunately, because of implicit gender segregation amongst the youth in many societies and the increase in solitary time brought on by the popularity of certain technologies, young people end up severely lacking in these skills.

Most of a young person’s education in charm is received at home or in school by observation of others. Those that have ample opportunities to mingle with a lot of different types of people on a day to day basis have more of a chance to run into a charming person and therefore, can witness the intoxicating effects this skill has on people around them. Charm is very important in a conversation, whether it be a formal negotiation in a business setting or an informal chat over a cup of coffee with a potential friend.

photo credit: Tom Hilton

The basics of this skill are simple and can be listed out for the potential student of charm in a systematic manner:

1. Compliments:

It is important that compliments be sincere and well thought out. Telling a woman that she is beautiful or an employer that they are smart will usually be overlooked and ignored. Compliments such as these are very cliché and overused. It is therefore important to try to spot certain positive characteristics in a subject that have often been overlooked or those that linger beneath the surface. This can be achieved by paying close attention and listening actively in every conversation.

2.  Open-Ended Questions:

The goal should always be to get the subject to speak as much as possible. This provides the student with many opportunities to pick up vital information about their mood, opinions and intellect which can all be used to establish rapport. The subject should feel like the charmer is very interested in their opinions. Everyone loves to talk about themselves and the charmer should take full advantage of this fact.

3.  Sense of Humor:

Even a serious conversation sprinkled with a little bit of playfulness signifies a very attractive personality. A sense of humor is paramount especially when it comes to talking to the opposite sex. Jokes should be light hearted and cute and the charmer should avoid vulgarity and boorishness at all costs. This also puts the subject at ease and therefore more open to expressing their inner selves.

Conclusion

The subject should feel that the charmer is like minded and an intellectual ally. The charmer should mirror the subject’s ideas and show interest by asking for clarification on certain topics or opinions before agreeing with them. Then, they should use all this data to customize a compliment. If done correctly, this praise should be something that they have never heard before and therefore sound the most sincere. These techniques can be first practiced with close friends before graduating to the opposite sex. Soon the student will be able to work an entire room full of people. It is important, however, not to try to deceive and seem insincere because regardless of any skill or technique the charmer may use, people will be able to see right through them if their motives are not positive.