This is the first real post on this site and it covers the basic theme that we will use when we talk about, analyze and study relationships and interactions. The question posed is, of course, a cliché. From mediocre Hollywood vomit to young freshmen throwing their hands up in bewilderment, this phrase has been used more than a mop in a truck stop bathroom and with equal frustration. There are a few problems with this statement.
1) It assumes that women are homogenous – Believe it or not, women are people too and people are very different. This holds true especially in western cultures where individualism is respected and admired. Different individuals have varying tastes and preferences. These tastes are molded and influenced by marketing campaigns, social norms and current trends. Magazines such as Cosmopolitan and Elle indirectly shape a woman’s tastes by taking advantage of the human need to assimilate and be part of a group.
This need comes from the fear of “missing out” on certain experiences which is understandable because life is finite. In order to maximize one’s life, it is important to experience everything that is worth experiencing. So if someone reads an article which says that buying red shoes will make them happy because red is a happy color, then they may become biased towards red shoes, dresses, socks or whatever.
If a woman watches movies in which is emotionally important for the actress to get married to the “perfect” man, she will associate her own happiness with marriage. This is what shapes culture and opinion. But this concept is pervasive all throughout society and it affects men as much as women. The level at which this effects an individual comes down to their own mental state.
If someone is smart enough to discern the difference between truth and marketing (which is also cultural, all cultural biases can be a form of mass marketing), then they are able to draw a line between believing everything hook line and sinker (because Elle magazine, Maxim or Grandma said so) and trying something out while testing whether it is really useful or pleasurable to them. Then simply discarding things that don’t make sense and keep things that do. Smart people are choosy.
2) It assumes that women actually know what they want – Most of us live our lives on a day to day basis. What you think you want today may change tomorrow. It will be different a year down the line and substantially different ten years into the future. Very few people know exactly what they want all the time. But people can be convinced, cajoled and molded to want certain thing. This is certainly a “black hat” way of doing things. It is much cleaner to just be honest with yourself and with women around you. Most will simply walk away but the few that stay will be quality.
3) It seeks to achieve the “ends” through the wrong “means” – What do I mean by that? Well, human relationships are not Science. You cannot just first figure out what women want and then simply give it to them. Product placement may work like that but you are not a product that requires a marketing campaign.
Trying to find a woman this way is doomed to failure because it requires you to tailor your personality to fit demand. Even if you could find out exactly what a group of women wanted, you would have to change yourself to fit that mould in some way. That may work in the short run but eventually you would get found out, simply because you cannot live a lie. Life is much more complicated than that.
Say you are a techie and you live and breathe code. You see some hot girls sitting in the cafeteria and in order to “score” with them, you find out that they like basketball (I know this is a tired old example but it makes the explanation easy). It is simply not efficient use of your time to pretend to be a proficient basketball player or to bone up on basketball trivia if you have no interest in the subject simply to get a date. If you are really good, you may be able to pull it off, but the relationship is bound to fail because one day you will want to sit on your computer and write a beautiful piece of software instead of watching the ballgame and then you will get found out.
This is lying and cheating and will always lead to heartbreak and despair. It is far better to be who you are and then find someone who is also true to themselves. Then establish a common bond. This is a much better way to have a meaningful liaison and is a LOT more pleasurable.
I understand that I am promoting the much feared “be yourself” maxim that has been hounding us since the beginning of time. But there is something more I want to add which is essentially the purpose of this site. Be yourself, but do it fearlessly. Don’t hide in a hole and be yourself. Do it out in the open. “Publish” your personality in the real world. Then the hits will come.
